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“Look at that big fat lady!” said 3-year-old Jobert as he pointed to a pregnant woman who was making her way across the restaurant.
His mother, modeling a subdued tone of voice that she hoped he would imitate, said softly, “Well, she has a baby in her tummy.”
Not willing to let such an interesting topic drop so quickly, Jobert persisted. “Well, how did the baby get in her tummy?” His high-pitched voice seemed to slice through the hum of conversation. Suddenly all eyes were on his mother. “Did the Daddy put his wee-wee in her?”

Children, it seems, have an uncanny knack for saying or doing the most embarrassing things-especially in public. In addition, while children have many delightful qualities, diplomacy is not one of them. Whether your child tells his friend that his ears stick out like an elephant’s or offers a blunt critique of Grandma’s turkey dinner, there will be times that you will wish you were the Incredible Shrinking Parent. But if you can sidestep your own feelings of embarrassment, you will be able to think clearly enough to handle a delicate situation with aplomb.

Embarrassing questions stem from kids’ desire to make sense of their world.

Children are very honest. They are also very observant and quick to point out whatever looks different or strange. Often they ask what seem like embarrassing questions simply because it is their way of trying to make sense of the world.
Jobert, for example, can hardly be blamed for noticing the large belly that was right at his eye level. And his desire to display his new found knowledge of how babies are conceived is also understandable. Indeed, if he and his mother had been reading a book at home together, she would have welcomed his curiosity. It is just that the timing-not to mention the volume-of his questions put her in a very awkward spot.

That is because, rightly or wrongly, parents often view behavior as a reflection of how good a job they are doing. No matter how secure you are, when your preschooler gives an Academy Award-winning rendition of a grief-stricken child because you won’t buy candy in the supermarket, you can almost imagine what the other shoppers are thinking:”Obviously that mother can’t control her child.”
In fact, they are right. You truly cannot control what your child does or says. You can influence her behavior by offering guidance, setting a good example, and expressing approval or disapproval. But you cannot stop an irrepressible 3-year-old from stating her distaste for Grandma’s mashed potatoes. And if you force her to say she’s sorry, she won’t sound very convincing.

Recognizing that there are certain things about your child that you cannot control are the first step toward surviving an embarrassing situation. How she behaves in public is not a determination of how you measure up. Rather, it is simply a matter of your child behaving like a child.

Finding Solutions

For a moment, try to ignore those people around you. Then remind yourself that this is one of those stories that you will enjoy telling later on. Do not even try to come up with an ideal response that will elicit admiration from your audience. Instead, simple speak quietly to your child and tell him that this is something you will discuss with him later, privately.

Jobert’s mother used this approach to handle his question about how the baby got in the pregnant woman’s stomach. “well”, she said calmly. “That’s an interesting question. But I am not really ready to give you an answer right now. We will talk about it when we get home.” You may also want to say something like, “When you notice something about how a person looks, it is better to whisper in my ear.”

Sometimes, children say things that are embarrassing and downright rude-although they may not realize it. Nancy wanted to disappear when her daughter Gina told her Grandmother that her mashed potatoes tasted “rotten.” In this type of situation, you can offer your child an alternative complaining about Grandma’s food: “Gina, you can simply leave our mashed potatoes on the plate. You don’t have to tell Grandma you don’t like them.” And although your child won’t see the need to apologize, because she doesn’t understand what she has done wrong, you can apologize, saying something like, “I’m really sorry, mom. Gina doesn’t usually like mashed potatoes.”

Next, do what you can to help the incident blow over. If your child has called his friend “Elephant Ears.” you can correct him and quickly move on. If you make a big deal out of the remark that embarrassed you, your child may react by behaving even worse.
Onlookers may not be as judgmental as you think
Although more easily said than done, try not to be concerned about whether other people are judging you by your child’s words or actions. Indeed, you may be pleasantly surprised to find that many people are not the harsh critics you assume they are.

In fact, they may be relieved that it is your child who is acting up and not theirs. And If you are really lucky, you may encounter an adult who actually gets a kick out of your child’s candid remarks. For example, Maria’s mother was appalled when her daughter said pointblank to a man entering the elevator, “why are you so fat?” Before Maria’s mother could think of what to say, the man responded in a relaxed friendly manner that he just loved to eat cookies and ice cream. To which Maria responded, “Me, too.”

The elevator doors then opened, and the man stepped off waving goodbye. “The lesson learned?” said Maria’s mother later. “That the man was not nearly as bothered by Maria’s innocent question as I was.”

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