MetropolisMom

Photo from Healing Hearts

“Get your boots on!”, “Put away your toys!”, “Brush your teeth!”, Finish your broccoli!” Everyday we give our kids a constant barrage of instructions, and when they start to tune us out, we up the ante:” I am warning you - hang up that jacket or else!” Or we launch into a furious tirade.

If your child has gone “parent deaf”, putting our request in writing can break the logjam. A note affixed to a pillow or the refrigerator is bound to pique your child’s curiosity and will help get your message across. And because writing is a more formal way of communicating, children take our notes seriously.

The fact that you have gone to the trouble of writing out your message makes it seem more important to a child than yet another verbal command.

In addition, notes are a more respectful way of making requests because they give children time, in private, to react. Your child can read the note when she is alone, without having to face your glare or hear your exasperated tone.

Breaking the “nag” barrier

Jennifer, mother of 8-year-old Roy, feared that she was becoming totally ineffective in disciplining her son, who seemed to have severe case of “parent deafness”. He had stopped answering even the most routine questions about his day at school, ignored her demands to stop calling his sister “Stupid,” and refused to make his bed or clean his room.

Jennifer decided to refocus her energy, tackling just one problem at a time. She began with the behavior that bothered her the most - the name-calling. She put the following sign up on the refrigerator: “From now on, everyone in the Myers family shall be addressed by their proper names: Roy, Julie, Mom, and Dad-The Management.” Because the note was impersonal and not a direct criticism of him, Roy did not react defensively to the message. He stopped baiting his sister and, as his mother nagged him less, became more cooperative.

Make them laugh

Kids tend to be more responsive to parents’ requests when we make them laugh or turn it into a game. For example, several years after my sons had learned to use the toilet, they were still missing the bowl.