MetropolisMom

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When your child decides to eat the apple slice or wear the hat that she violently rejected before, do not point out to her that she has changed her mind. Sometimes, especially in moments of frustration, it is difficult not to show your toddler how inconsistent her actions seem to be. Doing so, however, can shame a child and lead her to believe that she is incapable of making good decisions. It is can also trigger a bout of renewed stubbornness. Bearing in mind that her standards, your toddler is being perfectly consistent; after all, the object of her refusal is far less, important to her than her ability to refuse it.

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I can’t count the number of times I’ve had a conversation with a concerned parent that goes roughly like this:

Parent: I can’t understand it. My child and I have had a wonderful time together until just lately. Now he resists doing anything that I want him to do. Let’s get dressed. “No!” We have to go now. “No!” I even ask him if he wants some ice cream. “No!” We’re constantly in a power struggle. Sometimes I think he is trying to drive me crazy!

Me: Is your child around 18 months old?

Parent: Why, yes. How did you know?

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The key to handling battles with your toddler is to keep things light. Using humor to counter his resistance is often a good way to prevent a battle of wills, as long as you do not overplay the humor card and give your child the idea that  you do not take his concerns seriously.

Here are some ways that you can meet resistance playfully. The idea with all of these gambits is not to make fun of your child but to turn his oppositions into a game that the two of you can share.
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This post is dedicated to Janice and baby Angel.

Anencephaly is medically categorized as a cephalic disorder or a neural tube defect. It usually occurs in about 1 out of every 1000 pregnancies. It is where the neural tube of the forming baby failed to close properly. This results in the absence of the major portion of the top of the skull where the brain is supported and protected.

The neural tube is like narrow sheath were it usually closes between the third and fourth week of pregnancy. Infants who have neural tube defect usually are born without a forebrain.
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It was supposed to be a happy Sunday afternoon to welcome baby Angelica in this world. Janice, my friend, asked me to be with her in the hospital during her delivery. Although it seems so odd to see Janice’ sad face that day, I gave her my encouragement that everything will be all right. I did not know that something was wrong with her baby and everyone knew, except me. I was inside the delivery room while waiting for her safety delivery and when the doctor said it’s time, Janice asked for me. The doctor told me that I can’t stay long and Janice would just like to say something to me. So, I went to her delivery bed and asked what I can do for her.

She clasped my hand and cried. I was shocked to see her face so pale, pale almost like a ghost. I asked the doctor if she is okay and the doctor assured me that she is fine but her delivery would not be smooth for her. She told me about her baby’s situation. She told me there is something wrong with her baby and they knew all along. She is delivering an anencephaly baby. I was shocked and could not believe what I am hearing. I have read articles about anencephaly babies when I was pregnant, but I cannot believe that my friend would be delivering one. I tried not to cry in front of her. I even swallowed my sobs, but my tears betrayed me.

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“Look at that big fat lady!” said 3-year-old Jobert as he pointed to a pregnant woman who was making her way across the restaurant.
His mother, modeling a subdued tone of voice that she hoped he would imitate, said softly, “Well, she has a baby in her tummy.”
Not willing to let such an interesting topic drop so quickly, Jobert persisted. “Well, how did the baby get in her tummy?” His high-pitched voice seemed to slice through the hum of conversation. Suddenly all eyes were on his mother. “Did the Daddy put his wee-wee in her?”

Children, it seems, have an uncanny knack for saying or doing the most embarrassing things-especially in public. In addition, while children have many delightful qualities, diplomacy is not one of them. Whether your child tells his friend that his ears stick out like an elephant’s or offers a blunt critique of Grandma’s turkey dinner, there will be times that you will wish you were the Incredible Shrinking Parent. But if you can sidestep your own feelings of embarrassment, you will be able to think clearly enough to handle a delicate situation with aplomb.

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Sometimes it is not so much what your child does as it is what she doesn’t do that’s embarrassing. This is especially true when you ask her to do or say something in public and her response is not what you expected.

For instance, My mother assumed that my 2-year-old daughter would run to Aunt Ivy and give her a big hug the way she had at the last family gathering. Instead, Chesca stood stock-ill, arms crossed around her chest, while Aunt Ivy waited, arms outstretched. Chesca’s unresponsiveness was some what embarrassing, but matters only got worse when my mother prodded, “C’mon, honey, give Aunt Ivy a kiss.”
“No!” protested Chesca. “Her kisses are too smushy!” That’s a statement that would make any parent cringe. But it represents Chesca’s truthful-and legitimate-feelings about being forced to kiss Aunt Ivy. And it points out a mistake that parents often make: We sometimes expect more diplomacy, tact, or restraint from our children than they are really capable of.

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